[This chapter includes explicit descriptions of sexual activity between consenting adults.]
Location: Ithaca, Temple of Athena
Time Remaining: 8 Months
Athena disappeared in the darkness, but Adresteia remained, shifting into her bare human form but maintaining the enveloping darkness around them.
“Did you know?” Odysseus asked.
“More than you,” Adresteia said, “Not everything, though. I thought she intended for you to deal with the pirates peacefully, without violence. That’s why I remained silent and stayed my hand when they came upon us.”
Odysseus nodded.
“You’re angry?” she asked.
“Not at you,” he said, “You were doing your duty, and if you say you believed no harm would come of it, then I believe you.”
“Before you punish yourself too much for the decisions Athena steered you towards,” Adresteia said, “I’d remind you that your crew had free will. You did not force them to accompany you or force them to follow your orders. They did it for the promise of adventure and reward, full well knowing it came with a risk.”
“That doesn’t make the losses okay,” Odysseus said.
“True, but they also aren’t your sole responsibility. Whether you’re a captain, a prince, or a king. You’re not a god.”
“Would I be responsible for them if I were?”
“If you, Odysseus, were a god?” Adresteia asked, “I think you would try to be, and I think it would end badly. Be thankful for your limitations.”
“Thank you,” Odysseus nodded, “Will I... see you at the celebration?” Peleus and Thetis's anniversary celebration was still several months away, but Odysseus couldn't imagine another occasion that would cause their paths to cross one another.
“Probably not like this,” Adresteia said, “but I’m sure you’ll see me hanging around.” She paused for a long moment. If everything went to plan, Odysseus would soon be married. Achaean men weren’t known for monogamy – the main rule was, ‘Don’t put your wife and your mistresses in the same house’, but she knew Odysseus would take his vows to his wife very seriously. If those vows included sexual exclusivity, then the discussion would be closed thereafter. A voice inside her pleaded with her to say something, to make the advance while he was still available. In lifetimes of service to others, this was something she wanted. Maybe it wasn’t wise, perhaps not even rational, but the craving for intimacy was her desire, and no one else’s.
“What is it?” Odysseus could tell she was thinking hard about something, but couldn’t fathom what.
“Nothing,” the word came out of Adresteia’s mouth, despite the other thoughts rolling through her mind. “I just… I’ll see you in Larissa.”
“Okay, well…” Odysseus gave her an odd look, as if he felt like he was on the edge of understanding what was going on in her mind, “You’re my friend Adresteia. If you ever need anything, my door will always be open to you.” Odysseus smiled at her, and then turned and left the globe of darkness that surrounded them. Adresteia heard him trip over something in the mystical shadow. She had to stifle a laugh.
She withdrew the shadow as she returned to her bird form and flew out of the temple. Odysseus was not the sort of man she would have considered intimidating or threatening, even if she’d been human. He was kind to her, compassionate, and interested in her as a person. Adresteia had seen enough of the human world to know that those qualities were not unique, but they were precious, especially given the way men were raised.
Adresteia perched on top of the temple and watched Odysseus walk home. In raptor form, her eyes could follow him all the way there. It was late, so she imagined he might grab a small snack from their larder, but the rest of Ithaca’s royal family and their small contingent of servants would have turned in, leaving him to perhaps light a lamp and study for a while before bedding down, as his custom had been aboard the ship. She knew what she wanted to do, and she felt foolish for letting her anxieties hold her back. She was strong enough and tough enough to wrestle a bear, but she was afraid now of… what? Rejection. That was part of it. It had taken her so long to develop these feelings and acknowledge them, she knew it would be extremely painful to be spurned. And there was also the fear that she couldn’t go through with it. But she didn’t imagine her path would cross a man more accepting and more patient for many decades to come. If this was really what she wanted, the time was now.
She tipped forward off the temple’s roof and spread her wings. She flew straight at Odysseus’s home. At first she thought she should perch on the branch outside his window and take one more moment to consider what she was doing, but she pushed that thought away – she knew if she stopped to think before she acted, she’d never go through with it. She alighted on the window sill and studied the room. There were model ships and elaborate diagrams, scrolls and tablets… it was definitely Odysseus’s space. No one else was present, so she slipped in. She could still run, a voice inside her said, but she hated running. She picked up a log next to the cold fireplace in the room, and lit it on fire with a blue flash in her hand. She tossed it into the hearth and stoked the flames. Humans seemed to think fires were romantic, and she could see the appeal. The gentle pop and crackle was almost as soothing as the warmth it radiated.
The wooden door to the room creaked open, and for a moment Adresteia felt a surge of panic – what if this wasn’t Odysseus’s room? What if he wasn’t alone? She felt ridiculous having been so foolhardy.
Odysseus walked in with a bowl of fruit and smiled, “I was hoping I’d see you sooner than later.”
“You’re not… surprised?” Adresteia wondered if she’d been that transparent.
“It would be an exaggeration to say I expected you to follow me home. Hoped, maybe. Fantasized would probably be more accurate.” Odysseus sat down by the hearth and began breaking open a pomegranate. He offered Adresteia some of the crisp, juicy seeds as she sat down next to him. They sat and ate nervously for a while, spitting the pits into the fire.
“You know, if I had really expected you to turn up, I really could have chosen a sexier fruit to bring to bed.”
“What fruit is sexy?” Adresteia chuckled.
“Oh, grapes certainly,” Odysseus said.
Adresteia laughed quietly. They kept their voices hushed – the walls weren’t thin by the standards of the time, but they didn’t need anyone coming to investigate.
“So,” Odysseus started, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Is that something people do?” Adresteia asked.
“I don’t know. You’ve been around a lot longer than I have. Is it?”
“I don’t really have any experience with this…”
“Neither do I.”
That took Adresteia off guard, “You don’t…?”
“Sorry,” Odysseus shrugged, “I got close once, when I was fifteen or so, but I got cold feet and backed out.”
“Wow, so neither of us knows what we’re doing,” Adresteia laughed nervously.
“Yeah, but… maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe we don’t need to be thinking about what other people do, and just try to figure out what works for us.”
Adresteia smiled, “Perhaps we do. How do we go about that?”
“Well…” Odysseus thought for a moment, “I wasn’t kidding when I asked if you wanted to talk about it. I want to know what you want to do.”
“You know what I want to do,” Adresteia said nervously.
“Maybe I can guess, but I don’t like being wrong. And… maybe I would enjoy hearing you say it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Everything we experience happens up here,” Odysseus tapped his head, “The thought of doing something can be nearly as good as doing it, and I’ve enjoyed your voice since the first time you spoke to me.”
“My voice?” Adresteia had never really wondered if she had a pleasant voice.
Odysseus nodded and inched a little closer, “Yes, so please, tell me what you want. And feel free to be graphic in your details.”
On some level, Adresteia realized this was a very safe place to start from, but on every other level her mind was a blank. She had no idea how to talk about this. She looked at him for a moment as she tried to put together a string of words that didn’t sound stupid, and finally she just grabbed him and kissed him on the lips.
It was a clumsy gesture – she’d seen people do it, but had never tried it herself, so she just pressed her lips against his and froze as she realized she didn’t know what to do next. She felt Odysseus’s lips spread into a smile and then they began moving, tugging at hers, gently cajoling her mouth into opening so that he could trace his tongue along her lower teeth. Before long she was responding in kind, mimicking the motions. Her skin prickled with goosebumps as he reached a hand around her hip and pulled her closer. She untied the strings that held together the loose frock he’d put on for bed, and slipped it off of him.
She’d seen him and the other men shirtless many times aboard the ship, but the sailors had still kept a portion of their anatomy very private. The younger man was clearly already excited, and that excited Adresteia more than she’d expected. She spread her legs apart as one of his hands traced the inside of her thigh and began to play with the soft folds of skin between them. The gentle touch felt better than she’d hoped, and she returned the favor – he was warm, throbbing in her hand. Some carnal part of her psyche reveled in that sensation, and without realizing she released something between a whimper and a moan. That excited Odysseus more, and he began kissing her faster, more forcefully. His fingers slipped inside her, and when he curled one a particular way she let out another moan. He began moving his fingers trying to find the spot he’d hit, and when he found it again he devoted the full attention of that hand to it. Adresteia began panting heavily, trying not to make any louder noises, but when his thumb bumped a sensitive nub on the outside she gasped. Then Odysseus began searching for that spot, and when he found it he began rubbing both spots in tandem. Adresteia had to stop kissing him – all she could do was bite her lower lip. The feeling inside her was building in intensity, and her body shook. It was simultaneously too much and not enough. Odysseus rolled on to his knees so that he was kneeling between her legs, and then pulled her towards him. He leaned over her, shaking with excitement, and slowly, cautiously guided himself into her.
And that was when she crashed.
Being on her back next to the fire, his body pinning hers down as he began to slide inside triggered a visceral response and she threw him off of her. Odysseus, fortunately, landed on the bed. He was stunned but unscathed by his flight through the air. Adresteia was mortified, ashamed, and extremely frustrated.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” she pulled her knees up so she could hide her face behind them.
Odysseus shook off the moment of confusion and realized what had happened, “No, no, no…” he shook his head, “I moved too fast, it’s my fault.”
Adresteia laughed anxiously, “It didn’t feel like you were moving to fast. It felt… really, really good… right up to the moment it didn’t.”
“Do you still want to…?”
“Badly,” Adresteia said exasperated. Her violent memories were having to battle her present desires for control of her thoughts.
Odysseus got up from the bed, took her hand, and led her back to it. He pulled the covers down and clambered into the bed, still leading her by the hand. She started to lay down next to him, but he stopped her and pulled one of her legs across him so that she was straddling his lap.
“You set the pace,” Odysseus said as his shaft teased her with its involuntary throbbing, “I will do what you tell me, when you tell me, and nothing before.”
Adresteia didn’t think this was how it was supposed to be done, but it worked for her. She pushed aside the memories and focused on the sweat-slicked bronze body beneath her. She ran her fingers through the curly red hair on his chest as she slowly rotated her hips, teasing him back. The man looked somewhere between ecstasy and torture. His teeth ground together, as he struggled to remain still. Adresteia leaned forward and put Odysseus’s hands on her breasts. It took some more trial and error, but Odysseus found the right motions, and she rewarded him with a passionate kiss, her long black hair falling down around them like a small curtain. She could feel his hips shaking from the effort needed to remain still.
She continued kissing him, but reached down and began stroking him as she gently maneuvered him back into her. She slowly slid down onto him and then sat back up on her knees, driving Odysseus deep inside her. She put his hands on the backs of her hips and began slowly rocking back and forth. It took Adresteia a moment to realize they were both panting and moaning. She felt the tension building inside her again and adjusted her position so that he was rubbing the spot his fingers had found. That pushed her closer, and when she finally reached the edge, she thought to reach down and press the little nub he’d struck with his thumb. Her middle finger barely grazed it, but the sensation sent a shock through her body. Her legs spasmed around his hips. Inside, her body clutched Odysseus tightly, so that her quaking hips tugged on his shaft. The feeling was too much for Odysseus; he shuddered and released a sound somewhere between a moan and a feral grunt. The steady throbbing Adresteia had felt since slipping him inside was replaced by a stronger swelling and a warmth that spread through her.
Adresteia froze in place. At some point her hands had migrated to the bed, and her fingers were now dug into it. Odysseus’s hips bucked under her for a moment, and then he fell still as well.
He laughed, “You really are a goddess.”
Adresteia didn’t think it was possible to blush any more than she already was, but at that moment the praise and the smile on his face meant more than she could say.
“So…” she said after a moment of silence, “When will you be ready to do that again?”
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