Time Remaining: 2 Months
With the altercation between Paris and Teucer over, everyone went back to enjoying their relaxing day in the sun. Achilles popped up out of the pool – apparently he’d been at the bottom of it for close to a half hour – and started telling Paris about the armor Odysseus had gotten him. Being the closest to each other in age, the two boys were becoming vacation buddies for life.
Odysseus and Penelope found a spot to dangle their feet in the water while talking to Hector.
“Thanks for the help,” Hector said to Odysseus, “I like to think I’m a pretty good brother but, you know, I have to deal with him seven days a week, and he wears me down with the stuff he gets into.”
“Oh, amen to that,” Penelope added.
“You have a lot of siblings?” Hector asked.
“Cousins,” she said, “My uncle has two sons, who are twins, five girls – two of whom are twins – and two adopted boys. Watching them go round and round makes me thankful to be an only child.”
“I have forty nine brothers,” Hector said, “And – I know how bad this sounds – I don’t even know how many sisters.”
“Statistically, probably between 45 and 55,” Odysseus said.
“I would assume.”
“Good lords,” Penelope said, “I knew people said Heracles did a number on Troy, but did Priam decide he needed to repopulate the city himself?”
“My father does not believe in monogamy,” Hector said, “or any form of conjugal relation that isn’t procreative.”
“My condolences to your mother.”
“All I’m going to say,” Hector said, “Is I know too much. So – you’re Tyndareus’s niece then?”
“Yep, I’m the daughter of the brother that didn’t try to usurp him as King of Sparta.”
Hector laughed, “Okay… so can I ask… what’s the deal with Helen?”
“Have you met her yet?” Penelope asked.
“No, I’ve just heard rumors…”
“Well, you’re about to get a ringside show,” Odysseus nodded to the other side of the courtyard, where Penelope’s cousins were finally turning up.
Odysseus called the players for Hector, “The two making a big to-do about chaperoning their sisters are Tyndareus’s boys, Castor and Pollux.”
“I thought Castor and Pollux were Argonauts? Those two look younger than me.”
“Uncle Tyndareus is a big fan of Heracles and Jason,” Penelope explained, “so his twins are named after the Argonauts you’re thinking of.”
“Those two are twins?” Hector asked, “The don’t look it…”
“Oh, rumor has it they’re half twins,” Odysseus said.
“How does that even work?”
“Well, some people say Pollux’s father is Zeus,” Odysseus explained.
“Spartan gossip is the juiciest gossip,” Penelope said.
“The three girls behind them are…” Odysseus looked to Penelope for help.
“Timandra, Phoebe, and Philonoe,” she filled in the blank, “Leda’s girls.”
“And now it gets complicated – see the surly ogre of a man and the prissy weasel?”
“Ody!” Penelope said, “My cousins!”
“Am I wrong?” Odysseus challenged her.
“Menelaus is okay when you get to know him.”
“But Agamemnon?”
“He is a prissy weasel, yes.”
“Okay, so those two are Atreus’s boys from Mycenae.”
“I don’t know who Atreus is?” Hector said.
“Former king of Mycenae, may he rest in peace,” Penelope said.
“Agamemnon and Menelaus’s cousin, Aegisthus, murdered Atreus and then put his own father, Thyestes, on the throne of Mycenae,” Odysseus whispered.
“The boys were fortunate enough to escape their cousin,” Penelope explained, “And my uncle – having himself been on the receiving end of a nasty coup back in the day – took pity on them and adopted them.”
“That’s noble,” Hector nodded.
“But here’s the drama,” Odysseus continued, “You see the two women they’re hanging with? Those are Tyndareus’s twin girls, Clytemnestra and Helen.”
“They’re twins too?” Hector said, “Or are they half twins?”
“They are also, supposedly, half-twins,” Penelope confirmed, “People think Helen might be Zeus’s daughter.”
“Wait, so doesn’t that mean Helen and Pollux are twins, and Castor and Clytemnestra are twins?”
“Haha!” Odysseus slapped his knee, “See? See? He gets it.”
“Oh my gods, we have had this argument every time we’ve seen each other,” Penelope said, “That’s not how it works.”
“Wouldn’t that also mean Pollux and Helen are demigods? Like Herakles and Theseus?”
“Oh, a woman demigod... wouldn’t that be wonderful?” Penelope mused.
“Seriously though, wouldn’t it?” Hector asked.
“Oh, it gets complicated when gods are involved. I mean, if you want to talk about Theseus: one mother, two fathers, because Poseidon was possessing his mother while they were doing it.”
“I don’t think that’s how it happened, Ody,” Penelope said.
“That is exactly how I heard it,” Odysseus said, “And yeah, Heracles is Zeus’s son, but so are a lot of guys – it’s really hit-and-miss there.”
“So which one is Helen?”
“The pretty one,” Penelope said.
Hector scrutinized the two women across the courtyard – both were attractive. He shrugged at Odysseus.
“Helen’s the one that looks like Pollux,” Odysseus said, “Medium height, blue eyes, fair skin, raven black hair…” Odysseus trailed off as he was suddenly stricken by how much Helen, and even Pollux, looked like Adresteia.
“Penny,” Odysseus said, “Who is Pollux and Helen’s mother?”
“I am not indulging in this argument any further,” Penelope said.
“No, seriously – her mother is Leda, right? Same as all the others.”
“Well, yeah,” Penelope said, “Probably.”
“How is that a ‘probably’?” Odysseus said, “Did Leda lose count of how many children she had?”
Penelope answered in hushed tones, “Look, Tyndareus and Leda really struggled to have any kids at first, and then wham, they’ve got seven. The people of Sparta do not look a gift horse in the mouth, alright?”
“Yeah… yeah…” Odysseus said, “It’s just they don’t look like Leda.”
Penelope scowled at him.
“Right, forget about it. Anyway, Hector, to answer your original question, Helen is Tyndareus’s first child.”
“Okay…”
“And a lot of people speculate,” Penelope elaborated, “That my uncle is planning to extend a big middle finger to Achaean tradition, and pass the crown to his oldest child, instead of his oldest son.”
“Which means,” Odysseus said, “Helen would become Queen of Sparta…”
“… And whoever she marries would become King,” Hector said, “So Tyndareus is going to just pass over his sons in favor of… whatever guy can win his blessing?”
“In Tyndareus’s mind, he’s not choosing a son-in-law, he’s choosing a king,” Penelope said.
“And having the freedom to do so is letting him hold Castor and Pollux’s feet to the fire,” Odysseus explained, “Pressuring them to step up and impress their father.”
“But rather than sail across the known world to raid a sacred garden,” Penelope winked at Odysseus, “Their approach has been to frustrate all of Helen’s potential suitors, and prevent her from marrying.”
“But Menelaus has an inside track on the race,” Hector observed. As he watched, a large number of men were congregating around Helen, vying for her attention –including Teucer, Ajax, Aeneas, and even Paris – but Menelaus was the only one she would make eye contact with.
“No accounting for taste,” Odysseus said.
“Ody!” Penelope scolded him.
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